Guacamole

So, I went grocery shopping with the wife today. Not that I hate spending time with my wife, but I despise grocery stores. They’re great to buy food and junk, but the people… gah! Everyone is looking out for no one but themselves. Soccer moms. Crying kids in the cereal aisle. Old ladies. Yuppies. No one gives a flying flip that there are other people on the earth. Running into carts… dirty looks when (God forbid) you stop your cart in the aisle to get something off a shelf. It annoys me. So, to amuse myself, I got on my iPhone and wandered around the produce section while the wife got the lettuce, potatoes, banana, and all that… I looked up at just the right time and saw avocados on sale for $1 each. Bingo. Guacamole time.

Man, there are few things on this earth greater than fresh guacamole. I mean, seriously… nice, creamy, fresh, cool, crisp. It’s wonderful. And it’s healthy for you, too. Lots of good stuff in avocados (the main ingredient in guacamole) and there’s no added fats, oils, or sugars… aside form the pinch of salt, it’s all veggies, herbs, and fruit juice. That’s it. It’s a great mayonnaise substitute on sandwiches… great on burgers… lots of uses. And, of course, it goes wonderfully on salty tortilla chips.

Simple to make, too… all you need is:

One small lime

Three small avocados (because that’s what the grocery store had)

One jalapeno pepper

One small red onion

One handful of fresh cilantro leaves

Kosher slat

Fresh ground black pepper

Mise en place… fancy French cooking term I learned on Top Chef that means “thing in place”, or “prep the ingredients” and get them ready to be used when it comes time to mix everything together. Mince the jalapeno. Because I’m a spicy food wuss, I deseeded the jalapeno and removed the placenta… yes, there’s a placenta in peppers… it’s the little whitish-green ribs that the seeds grow from on the inside. Finely chop one half of the small red onion. Finely chop the cilantro leaves. Set that all aside for a few minutes…

In a medium bowl, juice the lime… if you’re looking for the easiest way to juice a fresh lime, see below. Next comes the most dangerous part of the whole process… getting the guts out of an avocado. It’s easy, yes… but you have to mess around with a knife in a very precise way. It’s tricky. Don’t cut yourself. And, if you cut yourself, don’t blame me… knives are sharp… don’t be dumb. I’ll put a video clip of how to gut an avocado at the bottom of the page. If you don’t know how to do it already, go watch that video. Then, come back. I’ll wait. It’s ok. Empty the guts  of the avocados into the bowl. the lime juice will keep them from oxidizing and turning brown.

To the bowl, add the prepared cilantro, onion, and jalapeno.  Take a potato masher, and mash it all up. Get everyhting mixed up, and smooth out the guacamole.. but still leave tiny little avacado chunks. Next, sprinkle on a pinch of kosher salt, and a few grinds of black pepper. Use a spoon to stir it all up.. just to make sure everyhting is well mixed.

And that’s it… store it in the fridge in air tight container. Plop it on a ham sandwich… dollop on the burger… scoop it up with tortilla chips. Enjoy.

Juice a lime…

How to prep an avocado…

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